Author : MAMAN MAAMA Category : African Stories & Novels
da yadda zasu rike kan nasu kuma sunada ilimi sun san rights din su sai dai, sai dai halin mijinsu, halin da ya saka suke son rabuwa da shi, abu ne da ba zasu iya fada ba dan zai zama bakin fenti bawai a kansa shi kadai ba har ma da kansu da kuma yayansu. Su kuma me zasu yi kenan?"
Diyam tayi shiru tana kallona sai kuma ta kama hannuna tace "zo muje mu ci abinci, then you can tell me all about it, and together, we can find a solution insha Allah"
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*From the readers*
Assalamu alaikum.
Ina so in bawa masu karatu labari na tare da fatan wata zata dauki one or two lessons from it. Nayi rayuwa a baya kusan irin ta Jidda. Allah ya jarabce ni da miji mai irin halin Umar. Sai dai kuma ni din na kasance an extreme introvert. Bana iya magana, bana iya yin bayani, bana iya gayawa kowa abinda yake zuciyata. I find it hard to express myself ko mai kusancin da muke da mutum. Shi yasa bayar da wannan labarin yanzu yake min wahala. Ina kuma tunanin hakan ya samo asali ne tun daga kuruciyata da yanayin yadda rayuwata ta kasance tun lokacin yayena, but that is a story for another day. Wannan yasa duk tsahon shekarun nan da nayi da mijina a cikin wancan halin babu wanda ya sani, cikin yanuwana ko nasa babu wanda yasan halin da muke ciki sai nayi ta boye bakin ciki a zuciyata.
Wannan ya jawo idan ya aikata abin da yake aikatawa kuma na kamashi nakan hada shi da wanda shi kadai ya sani, na kan yi masa Allah ya isa. Daga baya bayan munyi shekaru a cikin wannan yanayin har mun hayayyafa sai Allah ya dora masa lalura, paralysis, rabin jikinsa ya shanye, bayan paralysis din kuma akwai sauran cututtuka da yake fama dasu, nima kuma haka.
To sai nake ganin kamar Allah ya isan da na ringa yi masa ce ta kama shi, tunda ya zalince ni kuma Allah yana karbar addu'ar wanda duk aka zalinta.
Sai dai kuma......lalurar sa sai ta zamanto ni ta fi affecting akan kowa, tunda ni ce matarsa kuma uwar yayansa dan haka yanzu ni nake zaune da shi nake jinyarsa for over 10+ years, nauyin sa da na yayan mu da jikoki duk suna kaina yanzu, kuma nima ba lafiyar nake da ita sosai ba.
Wannan ita ce rayuwata a yanzu, ba kuma zan iya rabuwa da shi ba saboda yayan da suke tsakanin mu ba zasu yarda in tafi in bar mahaifinsu a cikin halin da yake ciki ba, jama'a ma kuma zasu zage ni in na tafi za'a ga kamar dan lalurar da yake ciki ne.
Amma duk wannan abin da ya faru, duk wannan halin da muke ciki, shekarun baya da ya dan samu sauki sai dana gani a wayarsa wani abokin sa ya turo masa number din wata tsohuwar karuwar sa da muka sha rigima da shi a kanta a baya.
Wani lokacin sai inyi wa kaina tambaya ko wannan ita ce rayuwa ta? Ko kuma akwai light at the end of the darkness?
Allah ne masani.
*wannan littafin na siyarwa ne bisa amana, idan baki siya ba kar ki karanta, idan kuma kin siya kar kiyi sharing, idan kika yi kinci amana kuma ke da Allah*
*Be Safe*
Tare muka ci abinci da ita ya su Yasmin, though Yasmin kadan ta ci sai tace ta koshi, sai Diyam ta saka aka tafi dasu dakin babbar yarta Subay'a tace su je suyi wasa a can. And then we sat down, ta bani dukkanin hankalin ta tana jira in bata labarina but kamar kullum I became tongue tied, nayi ta juya maganar a raina na rasa ta inda zan fara mata. Can I even trust her?
Bata yi rushing dina ba ta barni na gama lissafe lissafe na sannan na fadi kalmar da ba yau na saba fadarta ba amma har yanzu tana da nauyi a harshe na kuma ta na da zafi a zuciyata. Nace "Diyam. Mijina. Umar. Mazinaci ne"
Sai ta sunkuyar da idonta kasa tana kallon hannuna da ta rike a cikin nata, kamar ba zata yi magana ba, amma fuskar ta ta nuna tsananin tashin hankalin da magana ta ta saka ta a ciki, sai kuma tayi gyaran murya kadan sannan tace "kin tabbatar? Zina kike nufi ko kuma dai kwashe kwashen yammata irin na mazan wannan zamanin?"
Na girgiza kaina "zina nake nufi Halima. Wallahi ni da ace Umar yammata ne yake yi kawai irin na soyayya, ko kuma ma ace auri saki yake yi ko da kuwa nawa zai aura wallahi bana jin zan ji abinda nake ji yanzu a zuciya ta. Ni da zaiyi aure da sai nafi kowa jin dadi, bana jin ko amaryar da zai aura zata kaini murnar auren sa, amma yaki auren, but it doesn't matter anymore. Na gama auren sa ni kam yanzu, ko yayi wani auren ko kuma ya je yake kwanciya da duk karuwan da suke Nigeria matsalar sa ce ba tawa ba"
Na karasa ina tuno da yara na guda biyu da suke daki suke wasa, yaran da na haifa tare da shi, sai na ji sabbin hawaye sun zubo min.
I can't even say that, can I?
Ta kama hannuna sosai ta rike tana kokarin hana kanta biye min muyi kuka tare "uhm uhm Jidda, kar ki ce haka dan Allah. Kuskure ne babu wanda ya wuce yayi kuskure, kaddara ce babu wanda bata hawa kansa, na tabbatar mistake ne yayi, ko kuma ma ke ce kika yi mistake din ba wai abinda kike tunani bane ba, watakila ma rashin fahimta ce kuka samu. Insha Allah in yayi miki bayani zaki fahimci cewa ba abinda kike tunani bane ba"
Sai na samu kaina da yin murmushin takaici "you sound so much like him da kika fadi wannan kalmar, kullum abinda yake ce min kenan farko idan na kama shi da wannan laifin "Jidda ki saurare ni, I can explain, ba abinda kike tunani bane ba. But har yau ge never really did explain. Har yau abinda nake tunani din shine dai nake tabbatar wa. And yes, na tabbatar, ba sai daya ba ba sai biyu ba ba sau uku ba ba sau hudu ba, wadannan kuma wadanda na sani kenan, and he is so good at covering up and at pretending dan haka Allah ne kadai yasan yawan affairs din sa wadanda ban sani ba kuma maybe har abada ba zan sani ba. Bana so ma in sani din. Dan na gama aurensa. Matsala ta daya shine yadda zan rabu da shi a yanzu. Yadda zan samu ma iyayena su tsaya su saurare ni kuma su fahimce ni sannan su goya min baya su karbo min takardar saki na daga hannunsa shine problem dina a yanzu Diyam, ba wai yadda zan bullo masa ya daina zina ba dan na riga na rufe wannan page din and with him in it. Kuma son samu na shine rabuwar tamu ta kasance ba tare da bayyanar wannan mummunar dabiar tasa ba, ba waidan shi ba sai dan yayana da na haifa da shi. Diyam ya zanyi? Ki gaya min ya zanyi?"
Sai ta saki hannuna ta tashi. Ina ganin yadda idonta yayi ja amma bata ce min komai ba sai ta shiga wata kofa. Ta dan jima a ciki sannan ta fito, daga yadda fatar idonta ta tashi na fahimci zuwa tayi tayi kuka a bayan idona. Sai na fahimci cewa itama har yanzu tana da halin ta na saurin kuka kenan. Na tuna lokacin da muke hada kai muyi ta kuka a jss1, ko da kuwa abinda akayi mana bai kai na kukan ba.
Sai ta zauna a kujerar kusa da ni sannan tace "kin tabbatar da abinda kike fada? I mean ba zargin sa kike ba kin tabbatar?" Ban kalle ta ba nace "in by tabbatar wa kina nufin na taba kama shi turmi da tabarya to amsa ta "no" ce, in kuma kina nufin na tabbatar a zuciya ta cewa yana yi to amsa ta "yes" ce. Bayan haka kuma shi da bakin sa ya tabbatar min da cewa yana yi din, ya sha karbar laifin sa ba sau daya ba ba sai biyu ba. Daga baya ma ya tabbatar min da cewa shi sex addict ne, sai kuma yayi min alkawarin cewa yana iyakacin kokarin sa na ganin ya daina. But kusan shekari biyar kenan da yi min wannan alkawarin, amma bai daina ba, saia kara gaba da yake yi"
A hankali naji ta ambaci "innalillahi wa inna ilaihir rajiun. Yanzu Jidda kina nufin shekara da shekaru kuna cikin wannan halin amma ko iyayen ki basu sani ba? Jidda so kike hawan jini ya kama ki ki mutu yayanki su zama marayu?"
Na dan yi murmushin ganin yadda hankalin ta ya tashi sannan nace "hawan jini na nawa kuma Diyam? Ai na jima da hawan jini. Zuciyata ce kawai nake jira ta buga in mutu din, wannan kuma shine dalilin da yasa nace na gama, saboda yayana. Dan kar nayi musu asarar kaina kuma dan kar nayi musu asarar rayuwar su. Dan cigaba da zama da Umar tabbas tamkar na zuba rayuwar yayana a faifai nayi watsi da ita ne. Diyam mai aikina ya nema. A cikin gidana. Gidan da yayana suke ciki"
Na karasa maganar ina rufe fuskata da hannaye na tare da rushewa da kuka, zafin abin yana dawo min zuciyata sosai kamar yanzu ne Asabe take gaya min cewa ya neme ta. Diyam ta jawo kaina kafadarta ta rungume ni tana rarrashina duk da dai itama a cikin tata muryar ina jin sautin kuka. Sai na tuno da lokutan da mukan rungume kan mu muyi kuka akan senior ta zage mu ko some other silly excuse, lokacin bamu taba tsammanin rana zata zo da zamu rungume junan mu muyi kuka na gaskiya ba, kuka mai ma'ana ba.
Ta dago kaina daga jikin ta tana share min hawayena tare da cewa "bani labari Jidda, ki bani labarin duk abinda ya faru tun daga ranar da kika fahimci halin sa zuwa yanzu, ki bani labarin duk cases din da kuka samu, I want to know everything" na karasa share hawayen da hannun rigar ta da take jikina, rigar da breast curve din ta da hips din duk sunyi min yawa saboda yadda take a cike ni kuma nake a bushe.
Nace "zan baki labari, amma bazan fara miki daga inda na fara fahimtar halinsa ba,zan fara miki ne daga inda na fara haduwa da shi, a hakan zaki fi fahimta ta bazaki judging dina ba.
Sai na bata labarin tun daga haduwa ta da Umar, irin son da nayi masa da kuma wanda nake tunanin shima yana yi min, duk da dai a yanzu bani da tabbas din ko duk shima fake din ne, na bata labarin case din yaya Jamila da abinda Abba yace da kuma shi Umar abinda yace, sai kuma abinda ta gaya min two days to daurin aurena da yadda na rufe magana ban gaya wa kowa ba. Sai kuma na bata labarin yadda rayuwar auren mu ta kasance da cases din da mukayi ta sami tun daga kan case din Zuwaira har zuwa case din Asabe, yadda yake tashin hankalin sa yayi ta rantsuwa tare da alkawarin ya daina, da kuma irin soyayya da kuma kulawar da ya ringa bani tun daga farkon auren mu har zuwa yanzu.
Sai kuma ba bata labarin gidan su, yanayin tasowar sa da kuma abinda ya faru tsakani na da mahaifiyarsa lokacin da na sanar mata da halin da muke ciki, na kuma bata labarin namu gidan, yadda nake tunanin case din Mammy zai karasa ruguza dan guntun zumuncin da yake tsakanin yan'uwa na, da kuma yadda mukayi da Abba da Umma jiya da naje gida.
Na karasa maganar da cewa "wannan shine labari na" sai ta mike tsaye, ta danyi tafiya kadan sannan ta dauko tissue ta dawo ta ciro ta bani sannan ta cira itama ta goge nata idon, sannan tayi gyaran murya tace.
"Tabbas Jidda kina cikin wani hali, kuma sai yanzu na fahimci dalilin da yasa kika fadi duk abubuwan da kika fada daga farko na cewa kin gama auren Umar da sauran su. Farko ni na dauka exaggeration ne irin namu na mata. Amma yanzu na fahimta, duk da cewa ba kowa ne zai fahimta din ba, kuma na yarda, you have every right to say kin gama auren Umar"
"Ba zan ce wai na san dukkan halin da kike ciki ba Jidda, amma zance na fahimta, kuma na yarda. Saboda a shekarun baya na taba auren miji mai irin halin Umar, ko kuma ince wanda halinsa yafi na Umar muni dan shi bayan neman matan ma har da shaye shaye da duka, da wulakanci, sannan kuma da rashin soyayya. Amma kuma a lokacin ban damu ba, saboda na farko akwai yarinta a tare da ni a lokacin da rashin sanin ciwon kai, sannan uwa uba rashin soyayya. Bana son sa, dan haka ni a tawa karamar kwakwalwar a lokacin sai nake ganin zai iya zuwa yayi duk abinda yaga dama babu ruwana. Amma nasan da ace a yanzu ne da nasan ciwon kaina kuma na kara hankali da ba zan dauki halin nasa ba, duk kuwa da rashin son da make masa"
Sai ta kuma mikewa ta je gaban wani hoto ta tsaya, na daga kai ina kallon hoton, hoton ta ne ita da wani dana tabbatar shine mijinta na yanzu, shine sadaukin ta.
Ta dafa fuskarsa da hannunta sannan tace "amma idan da ace yanzu ne. Idan da ace Sadauki ne. Ace Sadauki ne yake da irin halayyar Umar, na tabbatar da cewa yana neman mata, ya kuma tabbatar min da cewa yana yi din. Da ace shine......."
Sai tayi shiru yanayin fuskarta gabakidaya ya chanja, ta juyo tana kallona da budaddun idanuwa. "Ba ma zan iya ba, ba zan ma iya saka kaina a shoes din ki ba ballantana har in fahimci irin yadda kike ji Jidda. Lallai ke din jaruma ce ko da kuwaa cikin jarumai. Lallai ba kowacce mace ce zata dauki abinda kika dauka ba Jidda. Ni na tabbatar ba zan iya dauka ba Jidda. Ba zan iya ba. Allah kar ka dora min Allah"
Ta karashe maganar tana kokarin rike kukan ta yake ta kokarin balle mata. Nayi shiru ina tunani, maganar ta tana yawo a kaina sai kuma na dago kai na sake kallon ta sannan na tambaya "idan ke ce, idan Sadauki ne, ya zaki yi?"
Ta sake juyawa ta kalli hoton wanda a yanzu na tabbatar shine Sadaukin, sai kuma ta dawo ta zauna a kusa dani tana cigaba da kallon nasa, sannan tace "idan da ni ce, idan ace Sadauki ne, ina jin I may end up doing exactly what you have been doing. Zan yi ta gayawa kaina cewa zai daina, inyi ta karbar excuses dinsa ina bashi chances. Zanyi ta expecting positive change from him musamman saboda son da nake yi masa, da kuma shi son da yake yi min, da kuma yayan da suke tsakanin mu, da kuma kyautatawar sa gare ni, da kuma..........sauran uncountable characters dinsa"
Ta juyo tana kallo na sannan tace "har sai a karshe, sai na kai karshe kamar yadda kika kai sannan zan fahimci gaskiya, gaskiyar kuma itace ba zai daina ba, ba zai daina ba Jidda, not if things continue going on like this" na sunkuyar da kaina kasa, yes tun jiya na riga nayi wannan realization din cewa ba zai daina din ba, but da ta fada sai naji maganar tayi min ciwo, but it is the truth, the hard bitter truth that I must face in ina son in cigaba da striving a duniya.
Na gyada kaina ina so in kara tabbatar wa da zuciyata da naji tana rawa akan maganar da ta fada, a hankali nace "haka ne, bazai daina ba. Umar ba zai daina ba" na fada more to myself than to her.
Sai ta dago fuskata tana kallona tace "amma kin san dalili? Kin san dalilin da yasa ba zai daina ba?" Nayi shiru na kasa ce mata komai sai tace "saboda baya so ya daina"
Na gyada mata kai cikin amincewa da maganar ta, tabbas Umar baya son ya daina abinda yake yi dan babu wani move, move na gaskit da yayi so far na ganin cewa ya daina din. Except move na yaudara da yake yi dan in dauka yana da niyyar dainawa.
Na tuni da pictures dinsa da Zuwaira a Lagos, the smile on his face, babu alamar da take nuna cewa baya jin dadin abinda yake yi. Na tuno chats dinsu da Bashir, the way and mannerda suke magana babu wani alama na cewa sun yarda cewa abinda suke yi ba dai dai bane ba ballantana wani trace na remose. Na tuno ganin da nayi masada Asabe a compound, hankalin sa a kwance yake yi mata magana yana yi mata murmushi, babu wata alama ta cewa baya jin dadin abinda yake yi.
Ta cigaba da magana
"Eh na yarda duk sanda kika kama shi da laifi yana shiga cikin tashin hankali kuma yana yin nadama amma a fahimta ta ba wai nadamar abinda yake yi yake ba, nadamar kin kama shi da abinda yake yi yake. Nadamar ya bata miki rai ba wai nadamar yayi wa Allah laifi ba, wannan shine dalilin da yasa duk nadamar sa take tafiya a banza saboda ba dan Allah yayi ta ba dan ke yake yinta. Tashin hankalin sa shine dan kin kama shi, ba wai dan tsoron wata rana Allah zai kama shi ba. Daga ya gama wannan nadamar kuma sai ya chanja salon kara rufe miki gaskiya dan kar ki sani, dan kar ki sake kama shi, burinsa shine kar ki gani ba wai
