Author : MAMAN MAAMA Category : African Stories & Novels
maganar Mammy.............
Kuma maganar Mammy ce kadai nake da shaida akan ta a yanzu. Maryam da sauran matan da mukayi cases din su da Umar a baya bani da wata shaida da zan iya nuna wa Abba har ya fahimta ya goyi bayana.
Hakan yana nufin I can't even go home kenan.............
Unless if Umar ya bani takarda ta, then Abba will have no option then to let me stay a gidan sa.
Shigowar Yasmin ta saka na dago kaina ina kallon ta
"Kunga yarinyar can, itace babanta mahaifi ya lalata ƴar yar babarta data zauna a gidan su"
Wannan shine abinda za'a yi ta fadi akan Yasmin da Asad. Akan yayana.
Ta tsaya tana kallona "mommy what's wrong? Are you ill?" Ta fada cikin zakin murya, sai ta zo ta dafa goshina. "Mommy you are hot, in kira daddy ya kai ki hospital?"
Na girgiza mata kai cikin daskararriyar murya nace "am okay Yasmin. Ki je kiyi wasan ki" sai ta zauna akan gadon ta tana kallon jakar da take gaba na "mommy unguwa zamu je? Ina Asad? Da shi zamu tafi" na juyo ina kallon ta kawai ban ce komai ba ta sake tambaya "where is Daddy? Da shi zamu tafi?"
Still ban bata amsa ba kuma ban motsa daga inda nake ba, na mayar da idona na rufe ina sauraron bugun zuciya ta. Naji hannun ta a wuyana, na sake bude ido sai naga ta bata rai "Are you crying mommy?" Na girgiza kaina da sauri ina goge hawaye na da bayan hannu na, now I can't even cry in peace.
Sai ta wuce ni ta fita, na mike na koma kan gadon data tashi daga kai na kwanta sai gata ta dawo da wayata a hannun ta ta saka a kunnen ta, ba wai iya karatu tayi ba amma tana iya gane sunan daddyn ta a waya ta kuma tana iya kiransa. Ta nuna min wayar "bai dauka ba" sai kuma ta cigaba da kiransa amma ni nasan ko kira dubu zatayi masa ba zai daga ba. Na dai san zai dawo gida, amma bansan da wadda zai dawo din ba, shin ya rubuta min takardar da nace masa ya rubuta ko kuwa zai dai rubuta din, ko kuma ma bashi da niyyar rubuta wa gabakidaya?
Bai dawo ba, bai dauki waya ba kuma bai kira ba har sai da aka yi sallar magrib aka fito. A lokacin na tabbatar da abinda Yasmin ta fada na cewa bani da lafiya dan da kyar nayi sallar magriba na kwanta akan sallayar dan kaina juyawa kawai yake yi, sallar ma da kyar na samu na yi ta.
Naji an bude kofar dakin, amma kuma ba'a shigo ba, tun kafin in bude ido na nasan shine amma sai naki bude idon nawa saboda bana son ganin sa, sai dai kuma in ban ganshi din ba ba zan samu damar karbar takarda tadaga hannunsa ba, ba zan samu damar karbar freedom dina daga wannan prison din rayuwar ba.
Na dafa hannuna a kasa sannan na mike zaune na kuma juya ina kallon sa. Ba dan sanin da nayi masa na tsahon shekaru da kuma tabbatar wa da nayi baya shaye shaye ba zan iya cewa a buge yake saboda yadda kamannin sa gabaki daya suka chanja fuskarsa tayi bakikkirin idanuwan sa suka koma ciki suka yi kanana.
Na miko masa hannu na guda daya nace "ina ɗana? Ina Asad?" Yayi shiru, ina ganin yadda yake struggling dan fito da murya daga makogwaronsa yace "yana gida, yana gurin Mama" sai na miko masa daya hannun na hada shi da dan'uwan sa nace "ina takarda ta" yayi shiru yana kallon hannun nawa, na kara tambaya cikin sanyin murya "ina takarda ta Umar?" Ya sake yin shiru bai ce komai ba sai na ja jiki na yi kneeling a gabansa tare da hade hanayena biyu a guri daya "dan Allah Umar, dan darajar Allah da manzonsa, dan son da kake yiwa iyayen ka. Dan Allah ka sake ni"
Sai ya zame shima ya yi kneeling kamar yadda nayi ya fara kokarin rike hannuna amma na hana shi, ya fara kuka, "Jidda dan Allah. Wallahi ba dan na san in na dauki raina wuta zan tafi ba wallahi da ayau ba zan kwana a duniya ba, da ....." Na tura shi baya nima na ja baya na zauna tare da jingina bayana da jikin gado "da zaka kashe kan naka da nafi kowa murna a duniya. Da sauran kwanakin bakin cikin da suka rage min a duniya sune wadanda zan zauna inyi takabar ka, da zaka yi haka dana fara lissafin zuwan rana kun farin ciki na a duniya"
Ya girgiza kansa da sauri "you don't mean that. Ranki a bace yake and I deserve duk abinda zaki ce min ko kuma duk abinda zaki yi min ko ma menene I deserve it. Ba zaki yarda ba ko na gaya miki, amma wallahi Jidda duk abinda nayi bansan nayi ba, kamar a cikin mafarki nake jina, kamar irin mummunan mafarkin nan da zaka kasa controlling kan ka a ciki kuma zaka yi fatan ka farka amma kuma ka kasa farka wa sai yau na farka, ban san kuma ya akayi na farka din ba, ina jin sakon da kika turo min ne ya farkar dani. Dan Allah Jidda ki fahimta, wallahi yarinyar nan asiri tayi min"
Na dauke ido na daga kansa, tabbas nasan asiri akayi masa dan ni da kaina na tone asirin, but there is no way in heaven da zan gaya masa haka, nafi so ya ji full regret, ya dauki full responsibility na dukkan aikinsa dan in wannan an masa asiri sauran ai ba asiri aka yi masa ba. Da zarar na gaya masa cewa asiri akayi masa to zai fara acting like a victim ne, blaming everyone but himself.
Na girgiza kaina "babu wani asiri da akayi maka Umar, halinka ne, halinka ne wanda yake a jikin ranka. Ai ba yau ka fara ba, yau ne dai ka tabbatar min da cewa ba zaka daina ba" ya sake matsowa kusa dani "wallahi Jidda zan daina, wallahi na daina ma. Wallahi asiri tayi min. In baki yarda ba zan je in kamo ta in kawo miki ita gaban ki in tambaye ta a gabanki na tabbatar in jikinta ya gaya mata zata fada miki gaskiya" na matsa daga kusa dashi "maza Allah ya baka sa'a, ka taba ta ka tonawa kanka asiri duniya duk ta san abinda kayi, zata iya cewa raping dinta kayi kuma dole a yarda da maganar ta tunda hausawa sunce na shiga ban dauka ba bata fidda barawo, in your case kuma bata fidda kwarto"
Ya kama hannu na "dan Allah ki yarda dani. Ko me zata fada ko ma waye zai yarda dan Allah ki ce kin yarda, dan Allah ki yarda cewa bada sani na nayi miki wannan cin amanar ba. Wallahi ni ban ma san nayi ba. Abubuwa da yawa ban san nayi ba sai da na duba waya ta na gani. Dan Allah ki ce kin yarda da haka"
Na sake cire hannu na daga nasa "matsalar ka ce wannan ba tawa ba. Ni dai na gama aurenka Umar. Kaje ka rubuta takarda ta ka bani ko kuma in naje gida a aiko a karba min ita. In ma asirin akayi maka to ya tarar da halin ka ne, ai asiri hali yake tararwa. Kuma ma Umar wanne dalili ne zai saka asiri ba zai kama ka ba? Kai da ko farilla baka gama tsayarwa ba? Ga zunubi ya nannade dukkan ruhinka? Ban ce in kana kula da addini asiri ba zai ci ka ba tunda har annabi an yiwa kuma ya kama shi, amma ba zaiyi maka irin mugun kamun da kake tunanin yayi maka ba. Da zai zo maka da sauki kuma ya karye cikin sauki kuma ba zai jaka ga aikata abinda ka aikata ba. Dan haka matsalar ka ce ni babi abinda ya shafe ni"
Na mike tsaye shima ya mike "Jidda" na nuna masa waje "ka fita ko ni in fita" ya rike hijab dina "Jidda wallahi ban san nayi ba" na warce hijab dina "matsalar ka ce kuma wannan. Ni dai na gaya maka na gama auren ka. Ko ka bani takarda ta ko a karbar min" na juya na bar dakin cikin zafin zuciya, a bakin kofa na tsaya na juyo ina kallon sa "and stop crying it will not work this time. You look ridiculous"
Kuka nake so inyi, amma in na zauna a falo Yasmin zata saka ni a gaba da tambaya, kuma gashi yana dakina ni kuma ba zan shiga nasa ba, sai na tafi dakin su na rufe kofa na zauna nayi abina mai isata, duk da dai bana jin kuka yana isa ta. I kept asking myself why? Why is this happening to me? Me nayi wa Hajiya da zata kulla min wannan kullin da banajin zan iya warware wa? Bana jin zan iya daina picturing Umar tare da Mammy a zuciyata kuma bana jin zan iya cigaba da muamalar auratayya dashi in dai har akwai wadannan images din a zuciyata. I mean, dama ya saba, mun saba yin cases din mata da shi har zuwa kan Maryam but this is different. Mammy ƴata ce, ko ma menene uwarta da kakarta suka shirya still jini na ce ita. Bana jin zan iya cigaba da muamalar auratayya da Umar Kamar yadda bana jin zan iya cigaba da ganin darajar sa, daraja irin wadda ya kamata mata take gani ta mijin ta. Shin in babu wadannan jigajigan jigogin auren ta yaya zan nemi aljanna ta? Menene amfanin auren kenan? Menene zan cinta a cikin auren?
Sai naji babu abinda nake nema irin rabuwa da Umar, babu abinda zai farantamin a lokacin irin Umar yazo ya miko min takarda ta. Amma ta yaya zan samu haka? Umar bashi da niyyar saki na, bana jin zan samu wannan takardar easily daga hannunsa. Kuma without it I can't go home, dan ina zuwa wallahi Abba koro ni zaiyi, ko da ya tsaya ya saurare ni ma ba zai yarda da duk abinda nace ba tunda bani da shaida, shaidar da nake da ita kuma I can't show it saboda kare martabar yayana.
Me zanyi kenan?????
Wannan ita ce tambayar da na kwana ina yiwa kaina. Bayan sallar assuba ina zaune akan sallaya ina azkar naji shigowar sako wayata. Na dauka sai naga message ne daga Umar. Babu irin addu'ar da ban karanto ba akan Allah yasa saki na yayi, sannan na bude, amma sai naga sako kamar haka.
Baby Dove.
Na rubuta wannan sakon ya kai kamar sau goma ina gogewa saboda na rasa kalaman da zan hada gurin yi miki magana, kamar yadda jiya na wuni cikin kuncin zuciya ina jera kalaman da zan gaya miki amma idona yana sauka akan ki sai kalmomin suka gudu suka barni da konanniyar zuciyata.
I never meant to hurt you, but I did, more than yadda ni kaina zan iya kwatanta wa. Sanda na fara ganin ki, sanda na fara sanki, na saka a raina cewa I will treat you right, I will never let tear run from your eyes, amma tunda kika aure ni kika bani amanar kanki babu abinda nayi sai saka ki kukan, babu abinda nayi sai bakanta miki da dagargaza zuciyar da kika dauka kika bani.
I am selfish, evil, mean, rude, a am every bad word you can think of. And definitely, I am a bad husband.
Ke kuma you have never been anything but good to me. You truly don't deserve me.
Kamar yadda na fada miki, Wallahi, wallahi Jiddah wannan abin da ya faru ba son raina bane ba, ko menene ma nayi, duk da ba zan iya tuna sanda nayi shi ba, ba da niyya nayi ba. Wallahi ba ina sane nayi ba. Sai dai Kamar yadda kika fada haka ne, halina shine ya jawo wannan abin ya faru. Amma ki sani, tun da nake a duniya, tunda nake aikata laifukan irin wannan ko wadansu daban, ban taba jin nadama irin wadda nake ji a yanzu ba.
Hauwa'u bana jin ko da zai kasance ni da wata mace ce wadda ba mata ta ba mu kadai muka rage a duniya zan iya neman ta. Insha Allah Jidda ba zan sake kusantar zina ba. Ba zan sake ba. Har abada. Insha Allah.
Nasan kina yi min addu'a, dan Allah ki ci gaba, nasan kina iyakacin kokarin ki a kaina, dan Allah kici gaba. Amma dan Allah kar ki ce zaki rabu dani. Not now, not ever. Kar ki ce zaki guje ni after all what we went through together. Kar ki ce zaki barni a lokacin da muke gab da rufe wannan babin.
Dan Allah, ba dan ni ba, ba dan ke ba, ba ma kuma dan Asad da Yasmin ba. Dan Allah, kiyi hakuri.
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*wannan littafin na siyarwa ne bisa amana, idan baki siya ba kar ki karanta, idan kuma kin siya kar ki sharing, in kika yi kin ci amana kuma ke da Allah*
*Depressed*
Na rufe wayar nayi jifa da ita gefe sannan na cigaba da jan charbin da yake hannuna, sai bayan wani lokaci sannan nayi realising ban san me nake cewa a jan charbin da nake yi ba. Sai na ajiye shi na kife kaina a jikin gado nayi kukana na gode Allah.
Wannan wacce irin jarabawa ce? Wannan wacce irin rayuwa ce? Anya kuwa akwai wadda take cikin irin halin da nake ciki? Akwai wadda ya taba shiga irin wannan halin kuwa kuma tayi surviving? Ta yaya tayi? Ina ma dai zan same ta data bani shawarar abin da zanyi dan ni ban san abinda zanyi ba.
Babu abinda nake so a lokacin irin Umar ya sake ni, Umar kuma bashi da niyyar saki na not now not ever kamar yadda ya fada, kuma ni ba zanje gida ba sai da takarda ta dan bana ko raba daya biyu in naje gida babu takardar saki kuma babu wata shaida da zata yi backing abinda zan fada Abba koro ni zaiyi ya dawo dani maybe ma kuma ya hada da yi min fada, shaidar kuma da nake da ita ba zan iya nuna wa ba not even to Farhan, abinda na sani kuma ba zan iya fada ba not even to Umma, dan wannan maganar in ta fito zata tarwatsa dan guntun zaman lafiya da yake gidan mu.
Dole I will find a way to get my divorce paper from Umar by myself. Amma how? Ban san me zanyi ba ballantana in san ta inda zan fara. Ina bukatar taimako, ina bukatar shawara, amma a gurin wa zan samu? Definitely not Aunty Afia ballantana gwoggo Habibah da har yanzu yar ta take gida a sanadin Umar, and not all my elder sisters da na tabbatar basa sona kuma nake kyautata zaton da hadin bakinsu aka karasa tarwatsa rayuwar aure na.
In kuma nace a gurin kawaye zan nemi shawarar suma bani da wadda zan je gurin ta. Babbar kawata Mufida, wadda suke uwa daya uba daya da Umar, ko kuma Maryam da suka hada kai da Umar suka ci amana ta? Bayan su bani da wata kawa da muke zama one on one muyi magana ballantana har muyi irin wannan hirar.
Maganar Yasmin ta dawo dani daga tunani na "mommy yau babu school?" Na juyi ina kallon ta, ni na manta ma da cewa zata je school sai na kama hannun ta "akwai school Yasmin bara in tashi in shirya ki"
Na wuce da ita toilet na yi mata brush, wanka tare da alwala sannan muka fito na saka mata uniform sannan tayi sallah sai muka fita daga dakin tare.
A kitchen na jiyo motsinsa, na tsaya daga nesa Yasmin ta karasa da gudu "Daddy na" ya juyo ya tare ta sannan ya daga ta sama "Baby girl. Kin tashi? How are you?" Tayi murmushi "fine, thank you daddy" ya dauko lunchbox dinta "gashi nan na hada miki abinci, daddy's special" ta dan yi murna "Daddy yau kana magana sosai. I love you daddy" ya rungume ta "I love you too sweetheart"
Na juya ba tare da nace musu komai ba na koma inda na fito, jimawa kadan ta shigo da gudu ta sunkuya tayi min kiss sannan ta juya da gudu ta fita tana cewa "mommy mun tafi" ban amsa mata ba sai mayar da idona da nayi na rufe.
Basu jima da tafiya ba ya sake turo min da wani dogon sakon
To the heart that is hurting
Duk sanda nafara kokarin yi miki magana in kalmar sorry ta zo kaina sai inji kamar bata dace ba, it sound insulting, especially after abinda ni nayi miki, amma kuma ban san wadda zanyi amfani da ita ba bayan ita. From the deepest part of my heart, I am sorry. Dan Allah uwar yayana kiyi hakuri.
From the weeping, repenting heart.
Har ma ajiye wayar na mayar da idona na rufe sai kuma na bude na dauki wayar ba yi masa reply.
"Idan har kasan ba sakon sauwake min kaddararren aurenka zaka aiko min ba, kar ka kuma aiko min da sako"
Haka ranar na wuni a daki ko ruwa ban iya ma saka a bakina ba, daga inyi kuka, sai in share hawaye na in zauna inyi ta saka ina warwarewa. Hanyar da zan rabu da auren Umar kadai nake nema a lokacin dan a gareni ina ganin rabuwar ita ce kadai mafita ta. Babu irin shawarar da ban bawa kaina ba, idan wata zuciyar tace min in je in dauki biro da takarda in kwaikwayi rubutun sa in rubuta wa kaina saki uku sannan in hada kayana in tafi, sai wata kuma tace min in dauki mota yanzu in je gidan su in zabga wa Mama mari in ce ta cika yar halak ta saka ya sake ni, sai kuma wata zuciyar ta ce
